I've fucked up again and again and again. When will it end? when will I stop and realize food isn't nearly as good as thin... I mean, I do... I do realize that... But why do I time and time again fuck it up? I'm just sick. I'm sick and fucking tired of being alone all the time having nothing to do but watch Gossip Girl and wait to hang out with D. When I'm not with him I'm all alone, not one friend... Not even my sister anymore... I want to scream! I just keep telling myself "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow will be different" and it never fucking is! I need a friend, I need someone... I wish I knew someone here who I could turn to... Someone to support me. I've always been okay on my own. I mean I'm 18 now... When I was 15 and 16 I was fasting all the time and I was so thin... What changed? I'm just fucking sick of this. It ends now.