Well, I don't know how to feel... Other than empty (YAY!) I feel annoyed. I should feel sad! But I just really feel irritated... D's trying to justify hiding his 'love' for me.... How is that love at all? bleh... I don't even know what to say. It's just like fine D, whatever, I don't fucking care anymore. But I really truly don't want to be someone's secret anymore and I'm not buying into his shit, I'm trying to be rational but I'm not fucking into this stupid shit! Like I told D - the ball is in his court, I'm willing to be (somewhat) patient. Maybe I need a break from him as well, like serious, fucking ridiculous.
Anywayzums, today feels like a fine day for food deprivation! Last night as I was falling asleep I heard my stomach rumble and roar a good 6 times, it was glorious. It's crazy how good those little things can make you feel. So today I'm obviously going to need a distraction from food, and not only that now but a distraction from texting or thinking too much about D, so on that note I've decided to rearrange my room! yay! F pointed out last night that I may want to move my bed to the little creepy corner thing in my room.... SO I agreed that it's a good idea.
D is trying to blame this entire argument on me which really hurts my feelings... The thing I can't stand is that he is completely insensitive and wont put himself in my shoes. He ignores my age, he ignores my personality and what it longs for in him... Fuck, whatever. He keeps saying "I don't deserve this", no D? you don't deserve the copious amounts of love I have showed you and continue to show you? you don't deserve a girl who takes pride in your relationship? Fuck.
I'm fasting today, fuck it. As long as I don't see him I wont drink which means I don't need to eat. Sounds like a good friggin idea to me. Asshole.
Xoxo, N.
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