I'm on day two of my diet. I'm feeling so irritated with everything in my life. The one thing I feel that is holding me together is the structure of my March diet plan. My boyfriend is up and down emotionally as well as everyone in my family. I found safety in my eating disorder once again. I have been doing really well this month and plan to continue. I'm fasting today even though it's not on my schedule...But who the fuck cares about schedule, if I don't feel like eating and have no apatite I should obviously take advantage of that. Tonight I am doing to drink until I puke. I haven't been drunk in a while. Oh wait. No I'm not. I have an interview tomorrow. Boat detailing! I'm so happy about this because I know I'll get the job. And with this job comes a lot of active days, moving all the time, working out... Not to mention working around hot marine mechanics will be a motivator in itself. I'll get drunk tomorrow instead. Tonight I will go for a run. Anyways, I'm only half way through the day so I suppose I'll see how I'm doing at the end of it.
Saturday, 2 March 2013
Today I got an interview at Ardene! I'm so excited! So that's good news which is going to make today's plan for little food a little easier :) I'm drinking a coffee and will probably have a grapefruit or something in a while. Nothing gross though! Not to forget it's junk food free this entire month! I'm actually going to post my Match diet/fast plan on my other page in a little while. I know I shouldn't really be drinking coffee because of the sugar and cream but it always makes me lose my apatite... Anyways talk soon,
Friday, 1 March 2013
Tomorrow I'm posting my March diet plan. I'm excited to write it up and get in the mood for a yummy month of fasting. March is all fruit, veggies and water... NO EXCEPTIONS. I found a thinspo blog today and on there is a challenge called the 21 days junk food free challenge. I'm going to so do that! Only it will be longer than 21 days. Apparently it takes 21 days to develop a habit. My habit will be junk food free, binge free and fat free! YAY! So. This begings tomorrow! Well, it starts now hehe, but day 1 will be tomorrow... Here's how it goes, each day you answer a motivating question. Here are all 21 of them:
21 Day Junk Food Free Challenge.
21 Day Junk Food Free Challenge.
Friday, 22 February 2013
I've fucked up again and again and again. When will it end? when will I stop and realize food isn't nearly as good as thin... I mean, I do... I do realize that... But why do I time and time again fuck it up? I'm just sick. I'm sick and fucking tired of being alone all the time having nothing to do but watch Gossip Girl and wait to hang out with D. When I'm not with him I'm all alone, not one friend... Not even my sister anymore... I want to scream! I just keep telling myself "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow will be different" and it never fucking is! I need a friend, I need someone... I wish I knew someone here who I could turn to... Someone to support me. I've always been okay on my own. I mean I'm 18 now... When I was 15 and 16 I was fasting all the time and I was so thin... What changed? I'm just fucking sick of this. It ends now.
Friday, 15 February 2013
Well, first things first I've completely fucked myself over these past 2 days, what happened to everything I said in my will power speech the other day, right? friggin ridiculous... But today is a new day, clean slate, yeah? an apple (and only an apple) a day keeps the doctor away. I mean, I don't even know why or how I can let myself slip like I do? I mean it's like I don't just make one little slip up, once I screw up once during the day I forget the whole plan and screw up over and over again. Anyways my point is I can not keep doing this. I will not allow myself to be this person anymore!!!I fucking sick of it. Today is a new day, clean slate... I'm not going to keep failing. This time I will do whatever it takes to stay strong and get thin. I owe it to myself to be the best I can be and if that means food deprivation, self discipline, whatever, so be it. It's not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it. I know that much for sure. I hate my body and I need to do this for me... For the summer, for the outfits I want to be wearing, for the boys who will be staring. Time for some thinspirations,
I'll be sure to write more tomorrow... I'll be back with a plan and hopefully a well rest, stay hungry my friends,