I choose thin.

D is being a douche. Which I almost don't mind because it makes me want to become more beautiful and thin in order for him to regret it. Also I want to be so thin and beautiful that when we fight he realizes how ignorant he is because he's risking losing me. I mean already I'm the best he's going to get... So when I keep becoming better and better he'll be able to resist me less and less... Though it, of course, is not only for him... I want to FEEL beautiful... I want to LOOK beautiful... I want to be beautiful. I want to turn heads... I want to fit into my old jeans again.... No, I want them to be loose on me. I haven't been eating a night and will continue that, also I've been eating not as much... I will let it lessen day by day, I'm not going to jump into a fast right away like I normally do... That always is so hard especially when I'm just getting back on track. I'm going to really watch what I'm eating, yesterday morning I had a pretty large, gross breakfast, I wont be letting that happen again. More fruit! omnom. 

About D, I'm going to make him want me by not being a sappy, needy bitch about this fight... I'm just going to let him take his time, text when he wants. I mean, I've said what I needed to say, he knows how I feel, he knows what I want, he can take it or leave it. 

I can't wait to be thin again... Get back to my mean girl queen of the world attitude... I told my mom I've been gaining weight and she agreed and told me she thinks it looks great, I pretended to agree... Really it was just motivation... Not to mention the motivation from Sasquatch... It's so quickly approaching!!! And not to say I'm still in love with R...But.... When he sees me I want him to miss holding me...The thin me. I don't want him to look at me and wonder if he could even get his arms around me anymore... Anyway, I don't need to list reason after reason as to why I want to lose this weight... All I need to remember is there's countless reasons to... And there is NO, not 1 reason to keep the weight. Will power is a choice, it's a lifestyle and an amazing trait to have. I choose will power. I choose self discipline. I choose thin!

Xoxo, N.